About 20 years ago I had a partial hysterectomy.   Not longer after that I began having severe fatigue and just felt yuck all the time.   I tried to keep teaching but I gradually deteriorated.   I used all my sick leave-which was considerable after 20yrs.   I then went on short term disability,then long term.

I was originally diagnosed with Epstein-Barr virus, then CFS, depression, manic-depression and then finally with depression with a borderline personality disorder.   All of these were accompanied by severe anxiety and frequent suicide attempts.   They tried all sorts of drugs and even shock treatments for 2 years, sometimes as often as every week.   All this time, I was in and out of psychiatric hospitals frequently.

Over 17 years I struggled.   Finally after my last attempt at suicide my then new psychiatrist cut me off all my drugs.   These included sleeping meds and anti-anxiety drugs as well as antidepressants.   I didn't sleep for 3 months.

I started having strange pains all over my body, the most disturbing of which was chest pain.   I couldn't sleep but I had no energy.   My Doctor at that time was very critical and just said everything was in my head (as did my psychiatrist).   My psychiatrist left orders at the emerg. that I was to be given no drugs for anything nor was I to be admitted.

Finally I went to another hospital where an astute doctor took her time and after checking me, felt I had FM - which I had never heard of.   She precribed amitryptiline, which she explained was the most common drug used.   My own Doctor was furious, ordered me to stop the drug, said she did not believe in FM and even if she did, she didn't feel I had it and begrudgingly sent me to a rheumatologist.

The rheumatologist confirmed the diagnosis (having 18 of 18 tender points), said anyone who didn't believe in FM should go back to school, and that the 3 months of being abruptly taken off my meds when I hadn't slept had probably precipitated the FM.

I finally found another doctor and other varied caregivers.   Chiropractors, massage therapists, a reflexologist, a naturopath (who just about killed me with bowel-cleansing).   I finally met a wonderful Osteopathist in Ottawa.   He helped me in all ways-body, mind and spirit.

I have moved from that area and have just started with a female chiropractor who uses a new technique called networking.   The headaches I have had 24/7 for the last 2 years have improved.   My sleep is much better and I am able to do most everyday things though I still tire easily.   Stress and weather affect my pain levels a great deal and the pain, which has now spread to my legs, has slowed me down.   Even it is much better since seeing the new chiropractor.   I can now swim again and walk a short distance.

I started 2 different support groups and researched endlessly.   I am much more appreciative than I was before my illnesses.

My brother no longer speaks to me, my daughter is all but alienated and I rarely see 2 of our precious grandchildren.   My mother keeps saying I must be the weak link as my brother and she are so healthy.

We are all but broke from trying to get me well with any number of supplements and therapies.

I have quit smoking, stopped drinking my beloved coca cola and eat a pretty healthy diet.   I am not as fanatical as I once was but I do try to avoid wheat, dairy, fatty foods and a few other "sensitivities."

I have moved out of a house I found was infested with molds (though they weren't obvious) and my asthma has subsequently cleared up.

I take very few meds (anti depressants) but I do take pain meds sometimes.

I am one of the fortunate ones who has a husband and son who have stuck by me.   I have a very good disability income.   Last but not least after all my efforts I have hope.   My theme since being diagnosed is a song called "Hope is a Star."   I still rail at God sometimes but I am happier now than I have been in years.   Hope is the key.

I pray that all those not as fortunate as I will find something that will help them;   that the government will provide for resaerch and therapies, other than traditional medicine, so that all those stricken with these illnesses will have hope.

Betty