In 1994 I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.

At that time I was a successful, creative and energetic executive within the Telecommunications industry. I had worked and lived in six countries, and had just arrived in my seventh, Canada.

It wasn't long after my move to Canada that I began to notice a change in my energy levels and susceptibility to minor colds, fevers and flu like symptoms. These symptoms would cycle around a four day period usually ending with a feeling that I was getting out of the loop, only to find myself back in it again the next day.

I had always had an endless supply of energy and determinism and even faced with this strange onslaught I continued with my pressured job, not being willing to accept the conclusion forming in my head that there was a more significant health change happening to me. By the end of 1994, I finally had to seek help. I found myself in tears with a feeling that I would never be well again.

This happened one Sunday as I left Church where I felt that my life had changed forever and that the person I knew myself to be was locked behind an invisible fence, locked in like a prisoner by an invisible illness. My external appearance was that of wellness. My internal however was that of un-wellness. I was glad and sad that nobody else could see or feel my pain or distress. Glad because I had to keep up a façade of the strong leader and executive. Sad because if I had looked as I felt, I was sure that I would have been in an emergency room at a hospital gaining all the medical help that I desperately needed and benefiting from the knowledge gained by medical science in over two thousand years.

I sought help the following day. This was my first visit to a physician in a long, long time. He ordered many tests but admitted right away to being baffled and even commented that this may be something difficult to treat. To cut a long and painful story short, the tests and pre-diagnostic work showed that I was not suffering from any recognizable disease or illness and that most likely I had developed an illness called Fibromyalgia.

I didn't know the implication of this but I did know that the diagnosis was no relief, nor did the prescribed medications make a lot of difference. Still, I would not let this deter me from trying to do my job. By then I had developed daily unrelenting muscular pains that moved overnight from one area of my body to another. My memory was impacted to the point that I had to take careful written notes and my powers of concentration were significantly impaired. I now knew that I had an uphill battle to do my work each day. My pain increased but so did my workload and span of activities. In my head this seemed like a living hell.

Nonetheless I had some very powerful allies on my side. My wife and children never faltered in helping me when they could and when I would let them. I was gifted with a will and determination that had pulled me through many tough situations in the past and I still had that inside me. Last but not least I had my faith in God which never wavered throughout but instead strengthened when I needed it most. My relationship with my wife strengthened too and despite some dark days of despair I never doubted that some day I would learn, at least to manage this condition.

Several years passed with days of constant pain but to my amazement I found that I could manage better and better as I eased my way into a different way of being and living.

I realize now that I was very lucky to have been able to rely on such sure and unwavering support from my family, my friends and my faith. I have now seen and talked to hundreds of people who seem to have been deserted by their families, their friends and who have given up on their faith. They live in an earthly hell. Some have taken their own lives whilst other's lives have collapsed to the point of complete distress and despair.

I have written these things to try to explain what can happen with this illness with it's never ending cycles of ups and downs. I have never learnt and, yet lost, so much about me through adapting myself to managing the impact that Fibromyalgia has had upon me, my family and my friends.

There is a grief I experience in realizing I can never be the person I was before this illness came along. At times Fibromyalgia becomes who I am. There is the sheer joy when I have remission from pain when it seems like the old me is back again. Managing the balance between these states has almost become second nature to me but it isn't easy.

I have always believed that I can accomplish anything by hard work, dedication, perseverance and commitment. This is how I attained an Executive level position within the leading telecommunications company in the world, a level akin to an Olympic athlete with similar hours of commitment, practice and competition.

With Fibromyalgia this formula has had to be applied with a different focus. I still work hard. I still have dedication. I still persevere and I still have commitment. The focus though, is to make those closest to me feel that I am managing and coping well and doing the right things to achieve a delicate balance that lets me feel that I am useful to society and not being a burden on society.

I have a clear view now that me and only me can be responsible for my health and I see it as my job to make the best I can out of this difficult problem. I focus on my nutrition, my exercise and sleep but so as not to appear like an automaton, I also focus on making light out of things and having as much fun as I can.

Yes, I feel like I have lost a lot and yes, fibromyalgia is a devastating illness. I am not the same person that I was before I developed this illness and probably will never be again.

So you see my message is not of hopelessness or of defeat. It is about, growth, adaptation and facing difficult challenges. This applies not only to me but to my wife, my children and many of my friends who travel on this long winding journey with me. I have gained from them and my experiences, a strength and purpose that support me when I feel that I can't carry myself.

From my faith I have learnt to read the scriptures differently and realize that there are no insignificant players or words. In a similar manner none of us can allow ourselves to become insignificant players nor can we be labeled by one word….Fibromyalgia.

David