My name is Jennifer.   I've been living with chronic pain since I was about 12.   At least, that's when I remember becoming aware of it. At that point I had been living with my stepfather and mother for 2 years and had been the victim of constant, unrelenting abuse from him. I am now just about 31.

I guess I should tell you what my problems are.   I am one of the unfortunate who live with both FMS and Arthritis.   I have a myriad of other complications as well. I have Fibromyalgia, (a given, forgive the repetition), rheumatoid arthritis in my chest, hands, hips knees and ankles, Raynaud's Phenomenon and sclerosis in my lower lumbar.   My pain scale averages at about 7 out of 10.   Plus I have asthma, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, chronic headaches and chronic migraines.   I also have a sense of humour.   Without it, I'd be dead.   Or a hermit in a hovel somewhere eating live rodents. : )

I suspect, though I've never had a physician with enough knowledge to tell me so, I have Post-Traumatic FMS.   I was genetically inclined but I think the abuse brought it forward. When I was 22 I got pregnant with my son. I had a very stressful and painful pregnancy. The delivery was two and a half days of intense contractions every minute and a half apart.   Then four hours of pushing.   A Cesarean would've been a mercy.   After that I went to my doctor often with complaints.   He finally sent me to physiotherapy.   The therapist got tired of my litany of complaints from every quadrant of my body and poked my body in some very sore places!   He told me all about FMS and told me to see my doctor.   I did.   Went to a Rheumatologist.

He found 13 out of 18 points and told me I "may" have FMS.   Went on to tell me the diagnosis is not definitive unless you have all 18. Also said it was non-progressive. Well now I have all 18. I'm a mother of 2, an 8 y/o boy and a 4 y/o girl. Both of them are very independent. They've had to be. Between my daughter's birth and her second birthday I had 5 abdominal surgeries.   And both of them live with a mother who couldn't carry them very often after their first birthdays, a mother who cannot participate in all their games, a mother who is often left behind due to pain.   Who sometimes can't even make it up the stairs to put them to bed.   Who occasionally is in bed before they are.

Yes, I'm still married.   Sometimes I'm sure it's as much a curse as it is a blessing.   He doesn't always understand.   Part of him refuses to accept and therefore refuses to learn. We changed tactics one day and decided he should concentrate on learning HOW to take care of me, rather than WHY. It has made a difference.   But in an otherwise idyllic marriage my health is a huge problem.   I carry a tremendous load of guilt for the things I cannot do.

For years I have wondered how on Earth I can help find a cure, or at least efficient, effective treatments.   I stumbled across this site in an answer to a Dear Annie letter in the paper.   And I am so glad I did.   With Mr. Ernst's willingness to allow me to help I will do my best to push things forward in getting us all treated better.

And there, but for the grace of God, go I,

Jennifer