I am a 42-year old married mother of two girls aged 8 and 11. I developed fibromyalgia while I was on maternity leave after the birth of my second daughter.

Because I was not working at the time I developed the illness, co-workers and supervisors did not see what I was experiencing and were skeptical.

I spent four years in therapy, tried eight different anti-depressants, and battled five years of litigation with my insurance company. In the end I received a lump sum settlement which barely covered lost wages and legal fees. That was three years ago and the money is long gone.

I have learned to live with the illness. I know my limitations and do my best to manage my pain, not let it manage me. There is still much frustration due to the unpredictability of the symptoms. I don't know when flare is going to hit, when I will feel well enough to do a certain day's activities.

My biggest frustration, though, has to be the financial struggle our family continues to go through. My husband's paycheque is decreasing while the cost of living is increasing. I am riddled with guilt because I am unable to work and contribute to the family income. There are no organizations that will help people like me because a) my husband's income is just a little too high to qualify for Ontario Disability, and b) I don't look sick.

It would be nice to have someone bring over a casserole once in a while. My fatigue hits around 4pm so I have very little energy to prepare supper for my family. I either suck it up and do the job which leaves me utterly exhausted, settle for the only meal my husband knows how to make --bacon and eggs - or have the kids heat themselves a bowl of canned pasta.

Of course there are no friends to help out as they all abandoned us because we stopped partying, and because they didn't believe there was anything wrong with me.

Sometimes the emotional aspects of fibromyalgia hurt more than the pain itself.

Pat