I was divorced in 1994 and then became a single mother. As a teenager I worked very hard to get through school and college as my parents passed away when I was 14 & 18. I built a career by working 3 jobs and going to college, then working in dead-end jobs to build my resume. By 2000, I was finally able to make great money and enjoy the benefits of hard work. Then I began to get sick. First it was heart palpitations which was diagnosed as Mitral Valve Prolapse Regurgitation. I walked around with a monitor stuck to my chest for weeks. Then I started having horrible dizzy spells and would fall repeatedly. My new husband was so patient as I tried to find out what was wrong. I went to specialist after specialist who said that there was nothing wrong with me. I had continuous aches and pain but thought that it was caused by Arthritis but it was getting worse........much worse. I started having horrible migraines and a continuous foggy feeling. I worked for the federal government and I was honest with my supervisor about my illness and she was not impressed that I was losing so much time for appointments and tests. In 2002, I was "laid-off". I was devastated and fell into a deep depression. I couldn't get another job as I could barely walk by that time and had to use a cane. They are not supposed to discriminate but ...........we all know they do. As well my old job gave me a bad reference as being unreliable and an abuser of sick time. I put in a claim with Human Rights and it was dismissed when my former employer said that I was let go because I was incompetent.

I finally was sent to a Rheumatologist who diagnosed me with FM/CFS with 18 positive pressure points. I was happy to finally be diagnosed and know that all of my symptoms were under one umbrella. I soon realized that being diagnosed didn't mean that I would be treated. My family doctor told said "It's just a sleep disorder". My Rheumatologist said, "There is no treatment, what do you want me to do?". I then became bedridden and struggled daily with this new me. I was eventually admitted to hospital and told that they would help me through this. I was very hopeful, although my hopes were soon dashed.

After a week in hospital dealing with conflicting advice and diagnoses...........I came home with less hope than I ever had. It happened so fast..........I went from a business woman saying hello to all the elite suits on the way to coffee break. To being bedridden and depressed, in so much pain I couldn't do anything but cry. Financially, I was ruined. I did get CPP disability..........but I now make in one month what I made in less than a week. We have nearly lost our house and may still. I can't pay my bills, I can't get treatments needed such as massage and acupuncture..........who will pay for it. I have been on so many medications, I can't count them and have had just as many reactions. I am not even 1% of my former self. I am a shell, a burden to my family, a stranger to those I used to chat with everyday. Society treats me like I am on welfare. Doctors hate to see me coming. I am 38 years old and I can't dress myself or brush my teeth or make a meal. I am living in poverty in Canada, because I am sick. As if the pain is not enough, now I am a non-person. Guilt racks me everyday as I watch my husband struggle to keep our home and feed us. My daughter has taken over alot of the housework. I can't watch her do it.............it kills me to see her sacrifice her social life for me. I have considered suicide but it would kill my family.........but aren't I killing them anyway? I know that I would never carry out suicide...........but I am dying now........a little each day. I have no spirit left. What happened to the fighter who went through school against the odds? My husband says that he admires my strength. I am just trying to get through each day, each hour, each minute.